Police uncover political ‘branch stacking’ through Mormon door-knocking syndicate

Share via:

MELBOURNE, VICTORIA – The political scandal unfolding in the Victorian Liberal Party has taken a new turn, with police discovering a highly-organised political syndicate being run through the Church of the Latter-Day Saints (Mormons).

The discovery comes days after the Party faced accusations of ‘branch stacking’, defined as the act of recruiting members for the principle purpose of influencing internal preselections, which caused the resignation of political powerbroker, Marcus Bastiaan.

After further investigation, a high proportion of those elected to administrative bodies were found to be of the Mormon faith, and leaks revealed that the Party had been using ‘Mormon evangelists’ as their primary recruitment vehicle.

“It was brilliant really” Mr Bastiaan confessed. “All we did was utilise the existing grassroots campaign system of the Mormon missionary doorknocking by tacking on a political pressure pitch.”

“We told them we would only stop talking about Mormonism if they signed up to the Victorian Liberal Party, and they were guaranteed to choose the lesser of two evils.”

The Mormon Pacific Area President, Elder Ian Ardern, indicated that he was unaware of the practice by the workers and disappointed by the reports:

“From my understanding, the door-knocking team would do their pitch to the resident, and after the resident had declined more information about the Latter-Day saints the workers would cover up their Mormon name-tags and put on their Liberal Party hats. Then they would say something like:

“Well, perhaps you would like to hear about our other Lord and Saviour, the Victorian Liberal Party.”

“They will bring light to the darkness of quarantine cover-ups, freedom to those oppressed by COVID restrictions, sight to those blinded by communist propaganda, and rescue you from the Evil One.'”

More to come…


Sign up to the Damascus Dropbear for more political updates

The Damascus Dropbear exists to develop satirical news which helps people laugh, then think, about theology, culture, church and politics from a biblical worldview. Our mission is to help others to engage with the Bible, explore questions around religion, and ultimately see Christian principles and ethics inform our society. If you would like to support our project click here.

Most Popular