Police fine Holy Spirit for breaking anti-conversion laws

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CANBERRA, ACT – ACT police have reportedly attempted to fine the Holy Spirit after allegedly breaking recently introduced ‘anti-conversion’ legislation.

Local Court Registry documents show that on May 18, ACT police submitted a ‘punitive damages’ charge against the Holy Spirit for breaching the ACT’s Sexuality and Gender Identity Conversion Practices law.

ACT Deputy Police Commissioner, Neil Gaughan, explained the charges.

“We received reports from a member of the public that a number of individuals were being ‘converted’ in regards to sexual and gender identity.”

“It appears that these individuals had voluntarily ceased certain sexual activities and were also reverting to previous gender biological alignment.”

“This is of course against ACT law, and when we interviewed those involved as well as witnesses from the local church, they all indicated that the Holy Spirit was the one responsible.”

“We have therefore issued a summons to Mr/Ms/Ze Spirit to pay a fine and appear before the local magistrate to defend themself against the charges.”

It appears however that the Holy Spirit missed the due date for the fine and court appearance, and a general call alert has been put out across the city to determine His location for immediate arrest.

“We keep hearing reports of alleged evidence of his activity, particularly among the Pentecostal churches, but we are having trouble understanding the witnesses,” Deputy Commissioner Gaughan said.

“It is like chasing a ghost, as we cannot seem to figure out where it came from of where it is going,

“We have also uncovered concerns around the Spirit’s criminal history, with ongoing allegations of arson, manslaughter, and practicing medicine without a license.”

“We asked a number of progressive churches in the region as to the Spirit’s whereabouts, but they assured us that they haven’t seen Him in decades.”

In other concerning reports, it appears that the Spirit is continuing to convert many across the city with impunity.

In a strange twist however, the police are having trouble finding anyone who wishes to press charges.

Sign up to the Damascus Dropbear for more local court updates. For further discussion around the experience of the Holy Spirit, see this piece by the Gospel Coalition.

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