Police arrest ‘Jim’s mowing’ employee for cutting grass in lockdown

MELBOURNE, VIC – Police have aggressively arrested ‘lawn care expert’, Pedro Miguel, after he allegedly broke lockdown laws by providing gardening services through his Jim’s mowing franchise.

This comes after Jim’s Mowing founder, Jim Penman, vowed to keep his business running during Victoria’s stage four restrictions, claiming departmental advice allowed him to do so.

“A man’s home is his castle, and there is no liberty more important than that of maintaining the garden defences against tyranny” Mr Penman told Damascus Dropbear.

“They may take our freedom, but they’ll never take our hedge trimmers!”

Victoria Police Commissioner, Shane Patton, said that Mr Penman and his franchise employees will face the full force of the law if they didn’t cease their grassroots actions immediately. Mr Patton went on to indicate that he suspected the lawn services were actually part of a growing criminal syndicate.

“There are some ‘sovereign citizens’ who are now claiming that lawn clippings mixed with hydroxychloroquine may work as a vaccine for COVID19. We have reason to believe that Jim’s Mowing may actually be a cartel front for the alternative health service delivery, and if so, then we won’t hesitate to mow them down!

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The Damascus Dropbear exists to develop satirical news which helps people laugh, then think, about theology, culture, church and politics from a biblical worldview. Our mission is to help others to engage with the Bible, explore questions around religion, and ultimately see Christian principles and ethics inform our society. If you would like to support our project click here.

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