Pentecostal University students barricade themselves inside chapel ‘until Holy Spirit released’
Image Credits: Telsa (edited)
Pentecostals offer to store Holy Spirit power in batteries to assist with energy shortages
HORNSDALE, SA – A major Pentecostal church in Australia has stepped up to offer their services regarding the ongoing energy shortages facing the country.
The EarthShakers megachurch in Adelaide is behind the innovation, claiming they have ‘a multitude of power’ available through the Holy Spirit, and would be happy to make it available on the National Energy Market.
The power would first be transferred through Telsa batteries at the Hornsdale power reserve through the laying on of hands, and then released into the grid.
Senior Pastor Evan Russell explained the science behind the move.
“Well, for those muggles unaware of the function of the Holy Spirit, it is essentially the power of God for believers which allows you to do all sorts of cool stuff.”
“For years we have been using it for awesome purposes such as healings, making people fly backwards, talking in other languages, creating wealth etc…”
“However, it is only recently we also discovered it could be used as an alternative energy source that can even be stored in pre-blessed batteries.”
There has been some skepticism over the move from politicians, many of whom believe that religion should have no place in the secular energy market, but it appears that the approach is even forcing hardened atheist political parties to the table due to the clear environment benefits.
“Our church building, including heating and lighting, has actually been running on this power for several months now!” Pastor Russell continued excitedly.
“It turns out this Spirit power not only has zero emissions but is also completely renewable – as long as a high-intensity sermon is preached on the Sunday.”
“Though I do want to firmly rebuke people like Green’s leader Adam Bandt, who has already tried to offer me money for the source.”
“The Bible shows us in Acts 8 that God isn’t too keen on guys trying to do that.”
However, it appears that the Sydney Anglican church is furious over the move, reportedly stamping their shiny shoes over and over and yelling “That’s…not…how…the…Holy…Spirit…works!”
Sign up to the Damascus Dropbear for more energy updates. To read more about the actual power of the Holy Spirit, see this piece by the Gospel Coalition.
