Pentecostal University students barricade themselves inside chapel ‘until Holy Spirit released’
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Pentecostal Morrison to introduce ‘Speaking in Tongues’ as recognised Australian dialect
CANBERRA, ACT – Australian Prime Minister, Scott Morrison, announced today that the Pentecostal spiritual language of ‘speaking in tongues’ will now be officially recognised as an Australian dialect.
A study recently released by the Department for Multiculturalism found that 1.6% of Australian households reported utilising tongues in the home, making it the 3rd most common language spoken at home ahead of Arabic (1.4%) but behind Mandarin (2.5%).
Morrison, the Western world’s first Pentecostal Prime Minister, declared it was about time that Pentecostalism’s culture and traditions were officially recognised:
“I am proud to be able to announce ‘speaking in tongues’ as an official Australian dialect.”
“The Pentecostal people have long been forgotten in our national story, and I know this will mean a lot to them.”
“And may I be the first to congratulate the Pentecostals by saying – Shamalaca Bombattora Shehas”
The move comes after Morrison gained the needed support of the Federal Cabinet on the back of an alleged ‘Cabinet Revival‘. A number of key Ministers including Treasurer Josh Frydenberg and Foreign Minister Marise Payne, have recently converted to Pentecostalism and received the Holy Spirit – winning over non-gifted colleagues with the proposal.
There have however been some concerns over the practicality of the proposal, with public servants indicating that there were no official translation dictionaries currently available. The Prime Minister reassured his department that facilities were being put in place to help those who needed assistance:
“We shall be employing an tongues interpreter phone-line system which will be able to assist those who are seeking to use tongues out in the community.”
“We will also facilitate a seperate phone-line for people to pray that those interpreting on the first phone line are actually accurate.”
“Additionally, we are incorporating ‘tongues language classes’ in all public schools – I’ve heard that the language is very useful for those wanting to enter the high-flying international Pentecostal business world.”
It is further reported that Morrison is considering introducing a ‘Welcome to Spirit’ ceremony at the start of significant public events, where Pentecostals would dress in customary skinny jeans and perform a reenactment of the ‘Great Spiritual War’ of 2017.
Sign up to the Damascus Dropbear for more worship news. For more discussion around the gift of tongues, see this piece by the Gospel Coalition.
