NSW RFS to use charity money for ‘hose that can reach anywhere in Australia’

SYDNEY, NSW — The NSW Rural Fire Service (RFS) has announced plans to spend the $53 million in donations, raised by Celeste Barbers’ January bushfire appeal, on a fire hose that can reach ‘anywhere in Australia’.

After the runaway success of the appeal, it was revealed that the strict conditions of the RFS trust fund – the charity nominated by Ms Barber in her Facebook campaign – meant that donation spending is strictly limited to fire equipment and volunteer training.

After a failed court hearing attempted to disperse the donations, the RFS has now revealed that nearly all of the $53 million will be spent preparing for the next fire season by building a hose – approximately 5,000km long – that can stretch from Sydney Harbour to any other point in Australia.

An NSW RFS spokesperson said that this investment ensured that Australia would never again have to face fires without an adequate water supply.

“We are incredibly grateful for the donations and recognise the difficult situation of being unable to disperse the funds more widely. Therefore, we concluded that building this hose was the only way that we could use the money to provide fire support services for the rest of the country” the spokesperson explained.

“Now whenever a blaze comes up all we have to do is roll out the hose, turn on the water from Sydney and away we go. We have named this the Jormungand project after the Norse mythological serpent who could wrap himself around the entire world and grasp his own tail in his mouth. We’re actually surprised no one has thought of this before.”

When asked how administration would select which fire would be the highest priority, when faced with the prospect of multiple fire zones simultaneously across several states, the NSW RFS indicated that further fundraising may be required for the Hydra project which would include additional module attachments.

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