NSW Churches to meet in brothels so they can legally make ‘shouts of joy’
SYDNEY, NSW – Churches across NSW are finding creative solutions to work around heavy COVID restrictions, including by holding church in a brothel.
The NSW government have put limits on congregations meeting and singing, but are allowing significant freedoms for the sex services industry.
Subsequently, church leaders have begun constructing new and effective ways to bypass these restrictions so they can see their church functioning to it’s ‘full ecclesial purpose‘.
“We are committed to having our services free from harsh restrictions, so if that means we have to gather in brothels to worship properly, so be it.” Pastor Ken Behrens told the Damascus Dropbear.
“It seems to be the only place where we are allowed to gather in groups, make loud noises, and even pray through the laying on of hands.”
“The brothel owners have informed us that there are also some rooms with flashing lights and loud speakers installed in the premises, so in many ways it is an ideal place to hold our services.”
“Our worship team are also excited about utilising some of the rotating platforms and mirrors on the roof.”
“Obviously we may have to do some spiritual purifying, but otherwise it is a great opportunity to ‘be in the world’.”
“The added bonus is that we can reach out to the trafficked women and sexual deviants during the morning tea break.”
NSW health expert, Kerry Chant, was questioned over the alleged double standards, and attempted to address concerns at a press conference earlier this week.
“Look, brothels are considered an essential service. Sexual freedom is a fundamental human right.”
“We have also turned a blind eye for many years to the spread of disease in brothels, and so COVID restrictions aren’t really relevant.”
“Singing with masks in church is clearly more contagious than exchanging bodily fluids – its just science.”