NSW and Victoria finally announce split, citing ‘irreconcilable differences’

CANBERRA, ACT – The Australian States of New South Wales and Victoria have at long last announced the breakdown of their marriage by dramatically closing the borders between them. They informed the public what many have long suspected to be the case, and that is that the relationship between the two has deteriorated to such a point that they can no longer live peaceably in the same country.

Speaking to an expectant media today, the NSW premier, Gladys Berejiklian, stated that she had formally asked Victoria to ‘pack up his things’:

“I know some people think that this is just the stress from COVID, but the truth is that there has been a lot of tension and conflict for quite some time. Victoria is just so arrogant, is obsessed with a stupid sport, and don’t get me started on his ridiculous fads. Even before Federation there were issues around my freedom and his over-protectiveness. Additionally, although it hurts me to admit it, I strongly suspect him of seeing another woman – Beijing.”

Victorian Premier, Daniel Andrews, countered the claims, arguing that the couple were just having a ‘trial separation’:

“Look, this is just about health pure and simple. NSW is so highly strung that she gets emotional sometimes. Her insecurity and defensiveness about needing to be the best all the time tends to make mountains out of molehills. We’ll work this out, we always do.”

It is further reported that the Prime Minister, Reverend Scott Morrison, is providing marriage counselling for the two in Canberra.

“Remember the words of our Saviour – What the Constitution has joined together, let no virus separate.”

More to come…

 

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