Pentecostal University students barricade themselves inside chapel ‘until Holy Spirit released’
Image Credits: The Australian (edited)
Nicholas Cage suspected as National Treasure, John Anderson, reported missing
MULLALEY, NSW – Police have issued an arrest warrant for Hollywood superstar Nicholas Cage after suspecting him of kidnapping Australian National Treasure, John Anderson.
Anderson, a highly regarded former Deputy Prime Minister of strong Christian principles, was reported missing after losing his Senate preselection bid in an attempted return to Parliament.
Police have indicated they are investigating, and have identified Cage as prime suspect.
“Cage has a criminal record regarding the theft of National Treasures, and we suspect that this valuable Australian figure was simply too much of a temptation,” Chief Commissioner Campbell explained.
“Our guess is that Cage has developed a theory about some weird, secret history of Australia, and that he believes that somehow Mr. Anderson holds the key.”
“We assure you that we will not rest until Cage is found, and Mr. Anderson restored to his rightful place as a prominent leading voice in our country.”
Some conspiracy theorists have suggested however that the Hollywood actor was not actually responsible for Anderson’s disappearance, and that it may have been an ‘inside job‘.
“Let’s look at the evidence before we go caging the Cage,” blogger ZAnon27 wrote on a popular chat site.
“Anderson’s political party, the Nationals, have become a cesspool for immorality and corruption over the last 10 years.”
“Anderson comes in pledging to bring back virtue, civilised discourse and leadership integrity, and those crooked Nats simply couldn’t hack it.”
“So what do they do? Shove him into the back of a cattle truck, tie him up, and dump him out the middle of Whoop Whoop.”
“I reckon we haven’t heard the last of Anderson though – in the Christian world good men don’t stay dead for long!”
It is further reported that the new head of the Nationals party, the morally questionable Hon Barnaby Joyce MP, has indicated that any link between Anderson’s disappearance and his own rise to power is purely coincidental.
Sign up to the Damascus Dropbear for more Olympic updates. Click here to see some of John’s podcasts at JohnAnderson.net.
