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New Pentecostal University boasts 100% class participation rate
PARRAMATTA, NSW – A new Pentecostal University was announced this week and have apparently blown away all records of student engagement and participation.
Alphacrucis College gained the status on Monday, making it the first Pentecostal institutions in the University categories in Australia’s history.
Dr Perry Davids, Vice-president of the University College, had this to say to the Damascus Dropbear.
“The beauty of higher education with Pentecostals is that the students’ hands are up even before they walk into the lecture theatre.”
“Our language classes in particular are extraordinary, with students immediately babbling fluently in foreign languages as well as inventing never before spoken languages every day.”
“We even decided to open a new and innovative school of medicine, as it appears that even our first-year students are already able to heal diseases that were previously incurable simply by laying their hands on the patients.”
“Our research department have also been rising in the ranks very quickly, utilising words of wisdom and knowledge in order to uncover previously unknown mysteries in engineering, physics and artificial technology.”
“Our only question is – why didn’t the church combine the Holy Spirit with higher education sooner!?”
It is further reported that at the celebration event, where the Pentecostals were offering burnt sacrifices, a sound like a violent wind came from heaven and the glory of the Lord fell upon the University College.
About three thousand enrolled in higher education degrees that day.