New Christian ‘Godly sexual consent’ app launched

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SYDNEY, NSW – Christian app developer, MoBibleTech, has announced they have designed a “Godly sexual consent” app specifically catering for the Christian market.

The new app is an upgrade on NSW Police Commissioner Mick Fuller’s ‘sexual consent’ app which has been proposed to addresses the prevalence of sexual assault in Australia.

MoBibleTech founder, Simon Eckles, took the Damascus Dropbear through some of their app’s unique Christian features.

As expected, it opens with the important question “Do you consent?”, but this is immediately followed up with “Yeah, but are you married?

If you answer yes, the app continues with a series of 40 helpful questions ranging from “Will this be a loving act of service?” to “Do you have any unresolved conflict that you need to pray about together first?

They even have a question specifically for husbands, asking “Have you done the dishes?

We asked what happens if the couple answers “no” to the “married” question.

Mr Eckles explained that this unlocked a special random feature that was different for each user.

For some, their mobile device bursts into an all consuming fireball. For others, the ground beneath them opens up and swallows everyone in a five metre radius.

They are also working on a third possibility involving your pastor receiving a fornication alert with your precise GPS location, though the general feedback from beta users was apparently a preference for being burned alive or having the ground swallow them whole.

We asked Mr Eckles whether he thought introducing this sort of technology into the bedroom would be a romantic mood killer.

“We had anticipated that,” he replied.

“Fortunately, the form should only take three hours or so to complete and, once submitted, we’ve added a special feature to set the mood again.”

“The app will start playing a complete audio recording of Song of Solomon read by David Suchet – or as we like to call him, the Christian Barry White.”

The “Godly sexual consent” app will be released later this month and the team at MoBibleTech are confident that its uniquely Christian features will ensure couples can honour their one flesh union in a way that is sensual, consensual and godly.

Piece credited to contributor Simon Camilleri, composer of the viral Nazareth – A Hamilton Parody. For further information around the place of consent in a Christian sexual ethic, see this piece by ThinkChristian.

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