Morrison reshuffles disciples after hearing women’s report of empty tomb

JERUSALEM, JUDEA – The Prime Apostle, Scott Morrison (also named Scomo), has made the decision to reshuffle the disciple cabinet after a number of women reported seeing the empty tomb of Jesus.

The women; Mary Magdalene, Joanna*, and Mary the mother of Jesus, all provided comprehensive accounts directly to Morrison of what they had seen and heard of the risen Christ.

“I understand that it is sometimes difficult to believe varying accounts of what goes on in dark dwellings,” Mary Magdalene told the group of men.

“But when you think about it, what would we have to gain with false accounts of angels, earthquakes and seeing the Lord himself?”

“We believe that there should be no delay – the time has come to take action.” 

Although some of the disciple dismissed the accounts as ‘nonsense‘, Prime Apostle Morrison allegedly ran straight outside to the tomb to examine the strewn strips of clothing evidence himself.

After much prayer and deliberation, Morrison announced three times that due to the current circumstances, there would be significant changes made.

“We are coming into a new age and a new covenant, and so we need to get our house in order.”

“I am shocked and disgusted at some of the behaviour of disciples regarding these eyewitness accounts.”

“I have been doing a lot of listening, and I want to say to those women – we hear you, we believe you – He is Risen indeed.”

“Furthermore, I will now be appointing several of these women to take key positions in the new church cabinet.”

It has been further reported that the Prime Apostle has committed to reviewing various policies such as female teaching roles, headship and submission, and the practice of head coverings during worship and prophecies.

Some of the women have welcomed the news, while others were concerned that front-line roles may also carry with them the increased risk of martyrdom.

Sign up to the Damascus Dropbear for more Easter news. For further discussion around women in the New Testament, see this piece by the Gospel Coalition.

 

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