Melbourne installs new tower as part of COVID ‘State of Disaster’

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MELBOURNE, VIC – As part of the “State of Disaster” declared today for the whole of Victoria, Premier Daniel Andrews has announced the construction of a new ‘curfew tower’ to assist with the protection measures required as part of the ‘second-wave’ outbreak in Melbourne.

The tower, labelled officially as Barad-Vic, will assist the Government in administering the new emergency powers. These powers include taking possession of any property, suspending acts of Parliament, and administering mild torture for those who are found not to be in compliance.

“We need to protect our communities, and the best way to do that is to forge a ring around the city that can be controlled from this central tower. We may even have to create lesser rings elsewhere in Victoria to ensure public order and obedience” Premier Andrews said.

“I promise you that this is only a temporary measure until we have obtained what we truly desire, the ‘one vaccine to cure them all’.”

It is further reported that Mount Bogon, the tallest mountain in Victoria, has been triggered by a recent earthquake into releasing minor volcanic eruptions which is sending a cloud of ash towards Melbourne. These reports however have been strenuously denied by the Premier.

“To those who are circulating ‘doom and gloom’ rumours about Mount Bogon, I assure you we will quickly put those responsible to rest. I am sending out my nine best Ministers to investigate the source of the misinformation, which some say may have originated in the south of nearby New Zealand.”

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