Leadership splits as Apostle Barnaby takes gospel to the deplorables

Share via:

CANBERRA, ACT – An apostolic leadership split has seen the Apostle Barnaby commissioned as the official ‘deputy missionary to the deplorables’.

The decision comes after a significant disagreement and relational breakdown between the Apostle Barnaby and the Apostle Michael over the direction of the Nationals Church.

It is alleged that Barnaby became increasingly frustrated with the ‘Liberal gospel’ being preached, and desired to minister more to the marginalised and unwashed masses of the deep-right regions.

“Look, I have great respect for the Apostle Michael, but we just had different ideas about the best way to evangelise.”

Michael wanted to build a church in the middle of the established marketplaces, while I wanted to head out into coal mining country.”

“Both need the gospel for sure, but I guess just more of the Nationals Church leadership agreed with my approach.”

“I look forward to preaching the good news of energy security, religious freedom and the dangers of China to the deplorables of this land.”

The Damascus Dropbear asked the Apostle Michael what his plans were now the leadership ministry strategy had changed direction.

“Well, obviously first and foremost I will be praying for guidance and the ability to forgive my brother.” 

“I’m really not sure I entirely trust his choice of missionary colleagues, but I guess they do know the culture of the marginal cities quite well.”

“Ultimately, I just hope that our message of political salvation is spread far and wide, and if soon-to-be Saint Barnaby can achieve that by arguing about the weather – then God speed to him.”

It is further reported that Apostle Barnaby has decided to first talk to the head of the Canberra Church, the Apostle ScoMo, with concerns that more gospel disagreements may be forthcoming.

Sign up to the Damascus Dropbear for more Apostle updates. Click here to read more about the disagreement of Paul and Barnabas (which this piece is based upon).

The Damascus Dropbear exists to develop satirical news which helps people laugh, then think, about theology, culture, church and politics from a biblical worldview. Our mission is to help others to engage with the Bible, explore questions around religion, and ultimately see Christian principles and ethics inform our society. If you would like to support our project click here.

Most Popular