Labor party brother mysteriously disappears after clash over climate sacrifices

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CANBERRA, ACT – A fight has broken out between two brothers in the Australian Labor Party, with disagreement over the type of climate sacrifice offered to the Lord.

The elder brother, Labor Party leader Anthony Albanese, provided an offering of progressive policies and ambitious climate targets to the Lord of Democracy. However, the younger and former cabinet minister, Joel Fitzgibbon, made an alternative offering of regional jobs and industry.

“I just want to honour our Lord of Democracy, and so I thought I should bring some of my best coal to burn as a sacrifice,” Fitzgibbon explained.

“I know this will make a few climate activists angry, but unless we please the Lord and gain his favour how can we serve Him?”

Albanese however was furious at his younger sibling, especially after Fitzgibbon suggested that the Lord would in fact reject his offering. In a curious turn of events, Fitzgibbon has disappeared from the public eye, last seen when the two were allegedly taking a short stroll through the neary Parliamentary fields.

It is further reported that the Lord of Democracy has written to Albanese, accusing him of foul play.

“What have you done?”, the Lord questioned.

“Listen! Your brother’s constituency cries out to me from the regions.”

“Now you are under a curse and driven from electoral success, which opened its mouth to receive your brother’s blood from your hand.”

“When you seek popular support, it will no longer yield its votes for you. You will be a restless wanderer on the Australian landscape – just like Rudd and Turnbull before you.”


Sign up to the Damascus Dropbear for more Labor party news. For a deeper discussion around biblical sacrifice, check out this piece by the Gospel Coalition.

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