Kroger ‘confused’ as to why new aprons so controversial

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CONWAY, ARKANSAS – Kroger, one of the United States’ largest supermarket chains, has expressed perplexity as to the concern over new aprons displaying an upside-down rainbow cross.

This comes on the back of a Federal Court action from two employees who refused to wear similar aprons as part of their employment.

Korger CEO, Rodney McMullen, said he did not understand what all the fuss was about:

“For people to claim that this new apron symbol somehow represents support for a satanic rainbow cult is just ridiculous.”

“Sometimes an upside-down rainbow cross is just an upside-down rainbow cross.”

Some Kroger employees have also expressed concern around the introduction of new Kroger employment practices. Copies of the handbook have been seen by the Damascus Dropbear, and include:

– All Kroger barbeque chickens must now be cleanly slaughtered on the Apollyon sacrifice counter before service (p43)

– Checkout counters should now offer customer’s free groceries under our new ‘soul-trade’ deal (p13)

– Kroger membership initiation ceremonies should be performed in the cool room, or alternative sterilised environment (p76)

– The official company motto has been changed to ‘Flesh for Everyone’ (p3)

It is further reported that Kroger are planning a ‘once-in-a-existence’ Armageddon sale on August 17th, 2022, where they will be taking 99% off all products, including TV’s, soccer boots and seafood salads.

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