King-elect Biden orders mass vaccination of all baby boys in Bethlehem

BETHLEHEM, ISRAEL – Documents have been uncovered which outline Joe Biden’s plan to provide COVID vaccinations to all baby boys in Bethlehem under the age of 2.

The move comes just weeks before his-soon-to-be-majesty Biden is set to take his throne. He has, however, recently voiced his concern that someone may try to usurp his appointed position.

King-elect Biden addressed the story today.

“To those conspiracy theorists I say unequivocally that there is no massacre planned. No attempts to kill any coming Messiah. That is simply fake news from the previous King.”

“All we are doing is administering life-saving vaccinations to the COVID hot-spot of Bethlehem.”

“There may be some slightly lethal side-effects to this particular batch of vaccine, but that is a risk I am willing to take.”

Journalists were however able to interview some residents rapidly vacating Bethlehem and asked them about the event.

“Oh, we’re not worried. We have full faith in the Government’s motivations and care for our well-being,” a young traveller named Joseph and his holy-looking family said.

“But I must say it certainly seemed strange to see Roman soldiers preparing to administer the vaccine using giant, sword-like needles.”

“We left before our turn though, as we have such a miraculous baby who doesn’t need the COVID vaccine. Even if he got sick he could just heal himself.”

It is further reported that King-elect Biden has also offered a peace offering of free vaccines from the same batch to all citizens who question his legitimacy.

Sign up to the Damascus Dropbear for more COVID updates. For a deeper exploration of the King Herod and the Massacre of the innocents, see this interview in Desiring God.

 

The Damascus Dropbear exists to develop satirical news which helps people laugh, then think, about theology, culture, church and politics from a biblical worldview. Our mission is to help others to engage with the Bible, explore questions around religion, and ultimately see Christian principles and ethics inform our society. If you would like to support our project click here.

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