Jordan Peterson raised from dead – makes bed

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BELGRADE, SERBIA – Popular Canadian Psychologist, Jordan Peterson, was raised from the grave after more than 6 months in Hades.

Professor Peterson had departed after a crash combination of anti-anxiety medication addiction, pneumonia, an induced coma, and a COVID19 infection.

The events caused a great outpouring of weeping and gnashing of teeth from young men worldwide who had been deeply impacted by the intellectual’s work.

Peterson’s body was put in a dark Russian hospital, with a large broken statue of Lenin placed in front of the entrance.

However, an unnamed friend of Peterson’s from Nazareth, known only as JC, was allegedly involved in his miraculous recovery.

“I heard about the my friend’s demise through his worshippers, who begged me to come before it was too late,” JC said.

“I told them not to worry, he is just tired, and I will go and wake him up.”

When the friend arrived at the site, he rolled away the statue and called loudly for Peterson to ‘Come out!’.

Peterson then arose, and after folding his funeral wrappings neatly away, his first words were:

“So, did you all behave yourself and stay away from chaos and totalitarianism while I was gone?”

It is further reported that the Russians, China, and Antifa are all making plans to put Peterson back to death, because on account of him many citizens were believing in self-responsibility.

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