Image Credits: Before you bet (edited)
Jesus rides donkey in Melbourne Cup, comes last but claims victory
FLEMINGTON, VIC – Controversial Jewish Carpenter, Jesus Christ, has been entered into Australia’s most famous horse race, the Melbourne Cup, after a late scratching of the Future Score.
The results of the race were unsurprising, with Verry Elleegant coming in first, Incentivise second and Spanish Mission third (just as Jesus had surprisingly predicted in the pre-race press meeting). Jesus and Balaam came in last by a full lap.
In a shocking twist however, at the celebrations Jesus took to the podium and declared that he was in fact, victorious.
“Didn’t you believe me when I told you that the last shall be first and the first shall be last?“
“I must say I also found it a little odd that there was so much cheering for a horse crossing a line, but none when the Son of Man came riding in offering salvation.”
“You Australians are a little mixed up aren’t you?”
It is further reported that fifth place horse, The Chosen One, was later rebuked by Jesus for blasphemy and a poor attempt at cultural appropriation.
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