Jesus rides donkey in Melbourne Cup, comes last but claims victory

FLEMINGTON, VIC – Controversial Jewish Carpenter, Jesus Christ, has been entered into Australia’s most famous horse race, the Melbourne Cup, after a late scratching of the King of Leogrance.

Dressed in traditional robes and riding on a donkey, who he calls Balaam, Jesus has been given the longest odds ever distributed at 10000/1 ($10001 dollars for a win, $3250 for a place).

Curiously, Jesus indicated he would decline the use of a riding crop. This was unless, Jesus quipped, ‘the donkey happened to wander into a temple’.

The results of the race were unsurprising, with Twilight Payment coming in first, Tiger Moth second and Prince of Arran third (just as Jesus had surprisingly predicted in the pre-race press meeting). Jesus and Balaam came in last by a full lap.

In a shocking twist however, at the celebrations Jesus took to the podium and declared that he was in fact, victorious.

“Didn’t you believe me when I told you that the last shall be first and the first shall be last?

“I must say I also found it a little odd that there was so much cheering for a horse crossing a line, but none when the Son of Man came riding in offering salvation.”

“You Australians are a little mixed up aren’t you?”

It is further reported that one of the horses, Anthony Van Dyck, had been found to have fractured his leg during the race and was put down. Jesus, however, went over and rebuked the trainers and subsequently raised the animal from the dead, healing his leg in the process.

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