Infamous ‘Karen’ announces conversion to Christianity

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LOS ANGELES, CA – The infamous “Karen”, well-known for regularly challenging upper-middle class injustice, shocked the world last week when she declared on Twitter that she had converted to Christianity.

Made famous by her successful exploits in reporting black bird watchers, helping Asians go home, and refusing to wear a mask in Bunnings, Karen has now allegedly become a follower of Jesus. She shared her experience with the Damascus Dropbear:

“Well, I was scrolling through Twitter looking for something to complain about and I saw this Christian meme claiming that ‘Jesus was the only way to salvation,Karen explained.

“Naturally I demanded to see the manager to find out what this was about and, to my surprise, I was taken to see God the Father.”

“He patiently listened to my complaint for a couple of hours until I ran out of breath, before assuring me that the Gospel was in fact true.”

Karen has since joined a local Baptist church where she says she has never felt more at home.

“The church seems just like my kind of people. I get free-reign to judge those inside by their attire and poor singing, as well as everyone outside the building as ‘sinners’”

“I’ve also discovered something called a ‘ladies bible study‘ which is an incredible space entirely dedicated to gossip and eating little cakes.”

“I am really excited to actually read the Bible too, if we ever get to that, as I’ve heard some of the complaints the Old Testament Prophets made to the various managers were quite powerful.”

It is further reported that Karen was also voted as a member of the council of elders after a lack of other nominations.

“I love that council, it’s the perfect place to criticise the pastor and leadership team.”

“Who knew that there were meetings just for moaning – I just don’t get how heaven can be any better than this!”

Rev Jim Mullins, the beleaguered pastor of Karen’s new church, said:

“Karen has been a unique addition to our church, and has managed to upgrade the quality of coffee and chase out some of the ‘luke-warm’ congregants, but…”

At this point Rev Mullins trailed off and stared vacantly into the distance.  Sadly, not even the high-quality coffee could bring him back to complete the interview.

Sign up to the Damascus Dropbear for more worship news. Credit goes to The Salty Cee and Adrienne Koziol for the story.

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