Pentecostal University students barricade themselves inside chapel ‘until Holy Spirit released’
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In response to NSW flood, ScoMo spends weekend knocking something up for Jen and the girls
KIRRABILLI HOUSE, NSW – Prime Minister Scott Morrison has released social media pictures showing off his latest handyman creation made during the NSW floods.
As various NSW rivers burst their banks, the PM indicated he was staying positive and keeping busy at his harbourside residence.
“Look, I’m not worried about these floods at all. Not one bit. Nope, nope nope.”
“I’m sure our States are more than capable of ensuring the safety of all our residents as we anticipate this next 40 days of rain.”
“If they do call on me for help however, I do have a secret contingency plan in place and ready to go.”
The Prime Minister is yet to explain what the massive structure is actually for, but the Damascus Dropbear has seen the work and estimate it as approximately 150m long, with three decks and 378 sub-compartments.
Commentator Chris Uhlmann, has suggested that the project, which he refers to as ‘ArkKeeper’, may be preparation for an ‘old-fashioned biblical-style judgment‘ considering the recent pattern of fires, locusts, plagues and now floods.
Journalists at the ABC have dismissed such concerns however, indicating that even if there was a God who was considering judgment, the increasingly progressive and enlightened righteousness of Australians, particularly in the inner-cities, would certainly provide adequate justification and protection against any such threat.
There has been further speculation on the Prime Minister’s motivations after it was leaked that an emergency meeting was being organised, with pairs of Liberal party political animals seen entering his residence with overnight bags.
Sign up to the Damascus Dropbear for more weather news. For more information on what happens after the flood, see this piece by the Gospel Coalition.
