IKEA releases new ‘build your bible’ range

STOCKHOLM, SWEDEN – Swedish homewares giant IKEA has released a new product range allowing people to ‘build their own bible’ by constructing personalised versions with only books and passages they want included.

The move comes at a time when IKEA is being sued by the Polish Government for firing an employee for quoting the Bible after being pressured to support IKEA’s LGBTI+ event.

Product designer, Allen Marcion, told Damascus Dropbear that this ingenious approach allowed IKEA to avoid such difficult legal situations by bringing their innovative approach to furniture making into the ‘religion’ sphere.

“Sacred Scriptures are clearly an important part of millions of people’s lives, but some parts are problematic to our progressive sensitivities.”

“Our vision, therefore, is to offer a wide range of customised bible sections that can be constructed according to the individual customer’s proclivities.”

“If you don’t like the story of Sodom and Gomorrah, the concept of hell, or Jesus’ view on marriage, you can now have your own IKEA Bible without those pesky passages.”

Reviews of the product were mixed:

“Great move IKEA. I never have time to read the whole Bible but my new version I can get through it in under a week.” Arius Williams (4/5)

“Some parts of the bible aren’t really necessary anymore, so I think it’s wonderful IKEA has come up with a handy solution to make the Bible relevant for today’s modern christians.” Donald Pelagius (5/5)

“You’ve got to be joking” John Piper (0/5)

IKEA’S online store was overrun with orders just minutes after release, with top selling products largely including sections such as Psalm 27, Philippians 4, Isaiah 41, and John 3. The Song of Songs sections sold out in a matter of seconds.

Some customers report, however, that IKEA have already discontinued the entire books of Leviticus and Romans.

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The Damascus Dropbear exists to develop satirical news which helps people laugh, then think, about theology, culture, church and politics from a biblical worldview. Our mission is to help others to engage with the Bible, explore questions around religion, and ultimately see Christian principles and ethics inform our society. If you would like to support our project click here.

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