Hillsong keyboard malfunction aborts altar call, averts COVID disaster

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SYDNEY, NSW – A new investigation has uncovered that the International Hillsong Women’s ‘Colour conference’ in March had at least one case of COVID19 in the audience, and the reason it did not spread was due to a cancelled altar call.

Thousands of worshipers had gathered for the Hillsong conference in Sydney, just one day after Prime Minister Scott Morrison had announced a ban on events with more than 500 people amid increased concerns about the spread of the virus. However, the final ‘call to faith’ was scrapped after a power failure to the main keyboard. This meant that the infected individual never came forward into the crowd – averting potentially thousands of cases throughout Greater Sydney.

Prominent worship leader, Joel Houston, explained how the events unfolded:

“Things were going off. Everything was perfect as we reached the climax of the conference. Thousands of people had begun to leave their seats and swarm towards the stage crying, hugging, and singing as we rocked our worship of the Lord throughout the stadium.”

“It was at that moment, in the middle of ‘Oceans’, that the keyboard’s output cord failed. The music stopped and you could feel the mood drop immediately. We concluded the presence of God had therefore left so we cut the service short, then and there, and told everyone to return to their seats.”

Little did they know that West Adam, a US tourist from the Ruby Princess who was positive for COVID, was at the event and had intended to go forward into the crowd from his largely isolated seat at the back.

“I’d been having real dissatisfaction in my life lately, and I knew that I just had to go up when the call came. I’d had no idea I’d been carrying the plague, and I guess instead of me gettin’ a blessin’ I would’ve been giving them all a curse!”

Pastor Houston indicated that perhaps there was some divine intervention at play.

“Usually we see the Holy Spirit power working directly through the keyboards and speakers, giving people that authentic and rhythmic experience of Jesus. But this time we’re thinking perhaps he protected us by not having the music. God works in mysterious ways.”

More to come…

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