Hillsong Church announces plan to lower unvaccinated through roof

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NORWEST, NSW – Churches across NSW are coming up with some unusual solutions to the ongoing ban on unvaccinated parishioners in NSW.

NSW is now allowing capped numbers back into church, but restrictions are not set to ease for the unvaccinated until early December.

However, some pastors are taking the initiative by innovating new ways to ensure the unvaccinated can still attend the services while remaining entirely separate from the rest of the congregation.

“To be frank, we’re not going to let the government dictate who is and who isn’t welcome in our churches,” said Senior Pastor Brain Houston of Hillsong Church.

“If the make a law that requires us to deny entry at the church doors, we will have no choice but to create alternative pathways to worship.”

“We are therefore creating a new ‘roof entrance for the unvaccinated where they can be lowered down to watch from the upper levels.”

Just like Jesus welcomed the paralytic through the roof, we are eager to help the social pariahs of our time to be healed from scourge of COVID.”

Some have questioned how Hillsong would achieve such a promise, especially considering the size and height of their buildings.

Houston did not have a problem however.

“Clearly, it’s not ideal considering our excessive number of flashing lights and loud speakers set up in the roof, but we have to work with what we’ve got.”

“We’ll just have to convince our large and passionate unpaid volunteer base of college students to do some rapid roof demolition work.”

It is further reported that some pastors have indicated their willingness to wait for restrictions to ease for everyone before re-opening.

However, it appears they were quickly dismissed by Hillsong and others who questioned their ecclesiological commitment and ability to think ‘outside the church vaccinated box’.

Sign up to the Damascus Dropbear for further church opening times. To see the true story about the churches response, see this piece by the Sydney Morning Herald.

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