Fat foetuses overjoyed as ‘Zoe’s Law’ grants human rights according to weight

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SYDNEY, NSW – Fat unborn babies are rejoicing today after ‘Zoe’s law’ was introduced into the NSW State Parliament which seeks to grant early human rights to fetuses who reach a certain weight.

‘Zoe’s Law’ was submitted by NSW Attorney-General and recognises the death of an unborn child, named after Brodie Donegan’ daughter Zoe who was stillborn after she was hit by a drug-affected driver on Christmas Day in 2009.

The new offences can be used where a foetus has a gestational age of at least 20 weeks, or 400 grams.

The Damascus Dropbear caught up with Gerald, an overweight pre-birth 16-weeker who expressed delight at the new law.

“Traditionally, gestational age has been the only way we could get our rights, y’know, once you were over 30 weeks they weren’t allowed to kill you anymore.”

“But this new law brings a whole new dimension where I get my human rights early because of my weight being 400g – woohoo!” Gerald yelled while completing a perfect a uterine flip.

“Thankfully we live is the 21st century, where people no longer believe in magical birth canals as the granter of human rights.”

“I mean, how dumb do you have to be to believe that?”

However, Gerald is not the only one who is delighted at the law, with the Fat Acceptance Movement pointing out the wider implications.

“We are impressed that finally it is being recognised that overweight people deserve more human rights,” explained CEO Helen Massers.

“We will be lobbying the Government to expand Zoe’s Law to post-birth foetus up to the age of 99 years.”

“This would mean that the more you weigh, the more rights and funding you can receive from the Government, and the greater the punishment if anyone harms or offends you.”

“All of us overweight people will then rightly live as kings and queens, and gain the full respect we deserve.”

Apart from size, it is further reported that the Government is also considering amending universal human rights to shift according to a person’s dependency, level of development, and the environment in which they live.

Sign up to the Damascus Dropbear for more human rights updates. To read more about the SLED arguments against abortion, see this piece by Focus on the Family.

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