Image Credits: Caldron Pool (edited)
‘Ezekiel Declaration’ inspires wave of declarations from other biblical figures
SYDNEY, NSW – Numerous high profile biblical figures have joined with the Prophet Ezekiel in making powerful declarations around Government COVID policy decisions.
The Ezekiel Declaration, a petition against “vaccination passports”, was launched by the prophet himself, along with a coalition of Baptist pastors, and circulated widely across social media.
It appears however that a number of other big bible names are following suit and making declarations of their own.
“We felt we couldn’t just stand by and do nothing, but needed to make our voices heard on the range of COVID issues impacting our faith,” the Prophet Moses explained after releasing his Moses Declaration around “worship lockdowns” only a few days later.
“Ezekiel is a great guy, and has had some cool visions, but I’m not going to let him get all the credit here.”
“I think if anyone is able to speak about plagues, locking yourself indoors, and punishing an unjust Government then it is surely me.”
Numerous declarations have now been released to compliment the ‘Ezekiel Declaration’, including:
The Aaron declaration – A petition for immunity for throwing a private dinner which is then crashed by 500 people who start worshipping a Golden Calf.
The Hosea Declaration – A petition to be able to marry a promiscuous woman and have children with her as part of a prophetic statement against Australia.
The Peter Declaration – A petition which allows a three-fold denial before being punished for breaking COVID restrictions (unless a rooster, or other flightless bird, should crow or squawk before the third denial)
The Dorcas Declaration – A petition arguing that any COVID-related deaths that are subsequently raised to life should not be counted in any official COVID numbers.
The King David Declaration – A petition respectfully requesting that unrestrained singing and dancing along the main streets of local LGAs, even if in only underwear, must be permitted.
The Delilah Declaration – A petition that demands that, due to hairdressers being closed, private citizens should be allowed to sneak into the residences of those with lockdown hair and stealthily cut it, especially those of the mullet variety.
The Elisha Declaration – A petition allowing the use of dropbears in dispersing large illegal gatherings of youth.
The Maher-shalal-hash-baz declaration – A petition calling on the right to plunder the wealth of New Zealand with impunity.
The Jonah Declaration – A petition requesting the right to take a 200km detour when going to our local grocery store.