Elite journalists fail Sunday school theology quiz

MELBOURNE, VIC – Astonishingly, a group of Australia’s top journalists have all failed a Sunday School level theology quiz which examined basic questions about Christian belief.

The quiz was given after the journalists had all been found to have made significant errors in their recent reports around the Pentecostal faith of the Prime Minister, Scott Morrison.

Professor Jack Hofferman of Alphacrucis College, the largest Pentecostal higher education provider, explained how the quiz came about.

“Well, initially we were surprised to see some pretty obvious mistakes in the journalist’s understanding of Pentecostalism and Christian faith generally.”

“This made us ask, I wonder how much these highly respected and expert journo’s actually know about the Bible and basic theology?”

“So I approached them with the idea of doing a ‘Sunday school’ style lesson – and they were all surprisingly keen – at least after I told them there would be pizza as well.”

Professor Hofferman indicated however that he was shocked at discovering their dismal level of education on matters of faith.

“So did Noah and Joan of Ark fight before the flood, or did they have to take a rain check?” 7:30 presenter Leigh Sales asked early on in the class.

“Ohhh, so the epistles were married to the apostles, and they received the axe of the apostles as a wedding present.” exclaimed the clearly excited Political commentator Peter van Onselen.

“Pentecost – isn’t that a type of really smelly but expensive cheese?”  Q&A host Hamish McDonald was overheard commenting.

“Can you please read us the part where Mary hears she was the mother of Jesus and his opossums, and sings the Magna Carta? It’s my favourite” requested Katherine Murphey from the Guardian at the back of the room.

“If Morrison is meant to be a Christian Prime Minister, then where are his 300 wives and 700 porcupines? He’s such a hypocrite!” shouted SMH journalist Peter Fitzsimons,

It was at this point that Professor Hofferman had to kindly ask a number of the journalists to climb down from the tables, and was able to largely subdue them by handing out juice boxes and putting on the aptly named ‘Pirates who don’t know anything’ VeggieTales movie.

Sign up to the Damascus Dropbear for more media updates. For more about the challenges of religion and journalism, see this piece by Barney Zwartz in ABC religion and ethics.

The Damascus Dropbear exists to develop satirical news which helps people laugh, then think, about theology, culture, church and politics from a biblical worldview. Our mission is to help others to engage with the Bible, explore questions around religion, and ultimately see Christian principles and ethics inform our society. If you would like to support our project click here.

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