Easter miracle after family BBQ ends without any discussion of politics

ADELAIDE, SA – A local Christian family are claiming a miraculous event after their Easter barbecue finished without politics once being raised.

The extended Jenkins/Bale family allegedly went through an entire five hour Easter lunch with no reference to current controversial issues, something they say was the result of God’s divine intervention.

“We pray every year for a peaceful Easter where we can just get together as a family without any politics, but we never really believed it was actually possible,” barbecue organiser Rachel Jenkins explained.

“It may sound incredible but, even with 20 adults in attendance, not a single conversation around elections, sexual scandals, climate change policy or China was had.”

“Instead of frivolous political opinion, thankfully the only significant thing raised was Jesus.”

“Even Great Uncle Malcolm seemed to have been touched by a spirit of unity, not saying a single racist or sexist remark all afternoon.”

Some have questioned the claim of divine intervention however, after discovering that one of the relatives – 24 year-old university student, Gareth – had been intentionally restrained throughout the entire event.

“It turns out that one of the nephews, who is actually a member of the young Liberals in South Australia, was tied up and gagged in one of the upstairs bathrooms,” Associate Professor of Theology at Notre Dame University, Dr Cheryl Mitchell, told the Damascus Dropbear.

“It is therefore hard to conclude that this was a genuine Easter miracle.”

“Even though one might recognise that the final outcome of a family focusing entirely on loving relationships and Easter celebrations was almost impossible within the natural sphere, the removal of the most politically outspoken member still lacks the fullness of faith required.”

It is further reported that when Gareth was finally released after the miraculous barbecue had finished, the first thing he did was bemoan the wokeness of the ABC and inform every visiting relative how quotas would undermine merit-based preselections.

Sign up to the Damascus Dropbear for more Easter news. To see this year’s Easter messages from Christian leaders, see this piece in Eternity.

 

The Damascus Dropbear exists to develop satirical news which helps people laugh, then think, about theology, culture, church and politics from a biblical worldview. Our mission is to help others to engage with the Bible, explore questions around religion, and ultimately see Christian principles and ethics inform our society. If you would like to support our project click here.

Most Popular

Copy link
Powered by Social Snap