Easter Bunny boycotts mall appearance after discovering holiday’s link to Christianity

Share via:


BRISBANE, QLD – In the biggest surprise since the resurrection, an Easter Bunny performer has announced that he will no longer be making appearances at shopping malls during the Easter holiday season. The reason? Easter’s historic links to Christianity.

In a statement released to the press, the Bunny (aka struggling actor Marcus Tenabaum) said that he had always thought of Easter as a fun and secular holiday that was all about eggs, beer, and fluffy bunnies.

But after doing some internet research, he was shocked to discover the truth.

“I was appalled,” said the Bunny. “No one told me that I was actually proclaiming Jesus by wearing this suit.”

“As an atheist the idea that each chocolate egg I hand out might somehow be exposing people to the Bible is too outrageous.”

“I’ve got my integrity you know,” said the 6-foot tall man with rabbit ears, floppy feet and whiskers.

The announcement has sparked outrage among some shoppers, who see the Easter Bunny as an essential part of the Easter shopping experience.

“How could he do this to us?” one angry mom was heard exclaiming.

“This is one of the only times of the year my kids get to comprehend the pure beauty, mystery and hope of Jesus’ death and resurrection and forgiveness of sin on the cross through the mall bunny’s appearance.”

“They will be so disappointed, and this boycott is now putting their eternal salvation at risk!”

But for the Easter Bunny, the decision was set in unrollable stone.

“Nope, this rabbit ain’t rising again. I am one hot, cross bunny!”

Sign up to the Damascus Dropbear for more Easter updates. To read more about Jesus and the Easter bunny, see this piece by Explore God.

The Damascus Dropbear exists to develop satirical news which helps people laugh, then think, about theology, culture, church and politics from a biblical worldview. Our mission is to help others to engage with the Bible, explore questions around religion, and ultimately see Christian principles and ethics inform our society. If you would like to support our project click here.

Most Popular