Dropbear fears maul NSW Government coalition

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SYDNEY, NSW – The NSW Government is in turmoil after Deputy Premier and Nationals leader John Barilaro said his party would no longer support the Government due to increasing fears of dropbear attacks on farmers.

The move comes after the Government’s proposed SEPP [State Environmental Planning Policy] would hand all dropbear safety and responsibility to local farmers.

Mr Barilaro held a press conference today to express his deep fears and the reason he no longer felt the Government was a ‘safe space’ for him and the National Party.

“We have all lived alongside this terror of bloodthirsty bears for a long time, but we were able to manage only due to the Government’s deployment of the ‘Elite Dropbear Containment Unit’,” Mr Barilaro explained.

“If it comes down to a choice between leaving the Government, or getting my beautiful face ripped off, then I have to make a stand.”

The Nationals will therefore next week move to the crossbench, and introduce legislation which would target the destruction of dropbear habitats. Mr Barilaro defended the drastic move:

“We are not anti-dropbear, we just want to make sure we chop down enough trees to remove their ability to actually…drop.”

It is further reported that Mr Barilaro has been struggling with dropbear-phobia ever since a local prophet threatened to call down a bear curse upon him for his leading role in introducing abortion legislation in NSW.


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