Devil distances himself from Satanist’s political views

NOOSA, QLD — Satan, otherwise known as the Prince of Darkness, has distanced himself from comments made by the Noosa Temple of Satan regarding the Religious Discrimination Bill proposed by the Federal Government..

The Temple recently published a public submission rejecting the bill, indicating that Satanism’s message is so powerful that religious freedom laws are not needed to protect it.

“Satan’s great plans hath no need for the puny laws of man, and we will conquer the light through darkness and attain our global apocalypse. Hail Satan!” a spokesperson exclaimed.

The Devil however, in a rare public appearance, responded to the reports and indicated that the proposed  Bill had his full support.

“What many people fail to appreciate is that our movement needs all the help it can get”, Satan said in a statement.

“We would love to be poisoning young minds and generally bringing hatred and darkness to every sphere of society – but we simply don’t have the numbers to pull it off. We can’t afford to have any of our members caught up in unnecessary legal proceedings.”

“For the Temple at Noosa, which consists of three 40-year-old blokes and a cocker spaniel named ‘Beelzebub’, to say that they don’t need protections is a joke. Be assured that they’ll be subjected with the appropriate disciplinary actions for their insolence, including flaying the flesh from their stomachs and drowning them in vats of their own waste.”

Satan also indicated that he didn’t feel the Bill went far enough on several aspects, and he would be personally contacting the Attorney-General and Shadow Attorney-General whom he knows from  their time at law school together.

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