Pentecostal University students barricade themselves inside chapel ‘until Holy Spirit released’
Image Credits: Mythic Australia (edited)
Damascus Dropbear’s top 10 tips for navigating Australia Day controversy
We all know Australia Day is controversial, and so we at Damascus Dropbear wanted to provide our top tips for how to be authentically Australian:
1. Loudly sing the neglected verses of the national anthem, especially that line about rousing to arms like sires of yore against foreigners
2. Don’t celebrate Austria by mistake. They birthed Hitler.
3. If you decide to dress up as Governor Phillip, bring a flag so you can claim some nice backyards from the locals.
4. Ask yourself – What would Ned Kelly do?
5. Smear yourself with Vegemite, and then wash it off quickly before people accuse you of ‘black-facing’
6. Go to a priest and confess all of your impure thoughts of leaving for another country
7. Yell at a vegan for being unpatriotic, and then BBQ up one of the animals on our Coat of Arms in front of them
8. Drape yourself in an Australian flag and politely ask anyone of Chinese ethnicity if they would care to fight
9. Attempt the sunburn the Southern Cross into your right or left buttock, depending on your political preferences
