Cricket Australia announce new diversity quotas for team selection

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JOLIMONT, VIC – Cricket Australia has announced they will be introducing ‘diversity quotas’ in order to increase minority representation in the National team.

CEO Nick Hockley said that it was time that Cricket Australia bowled itself into the ‘off-side of history’.

“I mean look at our national team – it’s like they all came out of a cracker cricket cookie cutter.”

“Therefore, we will be implementing a full diversity overhaul , ensuring appropriate representation in the team of all races, sexualities, religions and disabilities.”

“It is outrageous for example that although Chinese-Australians make up 5.6% of the Australian population, but 0% have ever represented Australia in the cricket. – that’s just racist.”

“Also, where are our dwarf fielders? Our one-armed batters? Our Scientologist spin bowlers? Our intersex twelfth man?”

It appears that Cricket Australia are really committed to ‘smashing boundaries’, but definitely not in the traditional cricketing sense.

Hockley went on to indicate they were trying to think ‘outside the protective box‘.

“We also have realised that cricket has, for many years, unfairly preferenced people who are themselves cricket players.”

“This tragic discrimination has meant that players of other sports would never have the opportunity to be in the Australian cricket team.”

“We will therefore also be including in a future team representatives from volleyball, rugby, pole vaulters and chess players on the team as well.”

“Through this we aim to become the world’s best cricket diversity team ever – and maybe one day we might even win a game too.”

Despite the announcement the Australian cricket team appears to be largely unchanged, with most of the players now simply identifying with the required diversity characteristics.

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