Pentecostal University students barricade themselves inside chapel ‘until Holy Spirit released’
COVID cure found after youth group boy throws paper into bonfire
CENTRAL COAST, NSW – People around the world are celebrating tonight after a cure for COVID-19 was announced by the Australian Government.
The incredible discovery was traced back to a Seventh Day Adventist youth camp in the Port Macquarie region, where it is reported that a bonfire took place in which a ‘miracle’ occured. Youth pastor Matt Cromwell was leading the event and described the discovery:
“Well, we were at that pertinent point in the camp where we ask the group what prayers they have, and we write them on little bits of paper to burn them so the Lord can hear them better. Eric, bless him, thought ‘coronavirus’ might be a good one to put in.”
“It was at that moment someone lifted up the bag of marshmallows and, lo and behold, the molecular compound for the drug was written underneath in the dirt. I know we were all getting desperate enough to try anything, but who would’ve bloody well thought that would actually work?!”
The section of the beach where the divine intervention occurred has been cordoned off by police, but thousands are flocking to the site seeking miraculous healings, financial blessing, and relational success.
It is further reported that Iraqi scientists are hailing a similar breakthrough on COVID-19 around the same time, after a local preacher finally went to Nineveh.
Sign up to the Damascus Dropbear for more COVID updates
