Controversy as exclusive ‘Social justice warrior’ restaurant opened

Share via:

MELBOURNE, VIC – A new restaurant in Melbourne has opened it’s doors to controversy after declaring that it will only be welcoming patrons who support issues of ‘social justice’.

Progressive entrepreneur, Joyce Alans, is the visionary behind the restaurant, indicating that he wanted to create a safe space for enlightened people to talk and eat away from bigoted individuals.

“It is a really exciting project, and one that I hope will pioneer the establishment of ‘social justice only’ businesses across out city.”

“The idea is that by segregating progressive heroes from the deplorables, we are sending a clear message that people who entrench division and discrimination do not deserve even basic needs such as food.”

Alans said that he has received lots of support for the idea in inner-city Melbourne, and explained that the whole dining experience was based around social justice initiatives.

“Well, when you first come to the door you declare your preferred pronoun and condemn Australia for their original invasion.”

“After that all white customers must bend the knee as a commitment against racism, with your intersectionality score then determined to select the quality of your table.”

“Our menu is a bit unsettled and will change constantly week to week as different issues of woke importance trend on Twitter.”

“However, there is a set 4-course standard virtue meal which is always available, including:

Alphabet soup – Only containing the letters LGBTI and Q

– #BLM wraps – Containing plant-based bacon and woke-egg mayonnaise

– Pork barrel roast – Drizzled with a political correct sauce with a large side of Greens

– Gender neutral ice cream – Created in our famous gender-blender which tastes like whatever flavour your taste buds identify with at the time

Reviews for the restaurant have been all 5-star, though this may be partly due to the fact that all negative reviews have resulted in legal action and accusations of ‘not standing for social justice’.

Credit to contributer Peter Inns for the concept. For further discussion of why social justice is not biblical justice, see this blog by Tim Challies.

The Damascus Dropbear exists to develop satirical news which helps people laugh, then think, about theology, culture, church and politics from a biblical worldview. Our mission is to help others to engage with the Bible, explore questions around religion, and ultimately see Christian principles and ethics inform our society. If you would like to support our project click here.

Most Popular