Conservative Anglican split show off new matching secret tattoos

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CANBERRA, ACT – Conservative bishops and clergy behind a recent split in Australia’s Anglican Church have revealed secret tattoos that they say symbolise their new ‘Orthodoxy gang’.

The unusual revelation was made at the Global Anglican Future Conference (GAFCON) in Canberra over the weekend, where the newly formed Diocese of the Southern Cross was announced in opposition to dioceses that reject biblical teaching on marriage and sexuality.

The new bishop of the diocese, retired Sydney Archbishop Glenn Davies, was eager to show off his new ink.

“Yeeah booi, we’ve been secretly hiding our fully sick tatts for awhile now waiting to pop them out at the right mo,” the Bishop thoughtfully explained.

“Now our gang is ready and muzzling up for a proper rumble.”

“The main issue that those Progros be slippin’ for awhile now – on relations, on episcopal polity, but most importantly on da Word – True dat!”

“They’s were the ones that start this beef, but I tell you we are gonna be the ones to finish it – biblical style.”

“It’s gang law now though, and me and my orthodox homies are hummin to take over some new turf.”

“I tell y’all its gonna be more than 95 theses being nailed to those liberal cathedral doors in Brisbane and Newcastle.”

“Peacemaker out yo!”

Some questions still remain around the new gang and their official position on women preaching, or as some in the gang have derogatorily referred to the issue as ‘hoes-it in the pulpit’. 

However, Bishop Davies has reassured those thinking of joining the new Diocese that anyone willing to ‘get cross-stamped, strap up with the gospel and shank some heresy’ would be warmly welcomed.

Sign up to the Damascus Dropbear to for more Anglican church updates. To find out more about the split and the new Diocese, you can read the GAFCON FAQ here.

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