Christians concerned that COVID-19 vaccine might trigger Armageddon

SYDNEY, NSW – Australia is rolling out the new Pfizer vaccine, but some Christian groups are worried about the potential for global destruction.

The concern comes as the Government indicates the intention to have the entire adult population vaccinated against COVID19 by October, with the Pfizer vaccine proving successful in preventing the virus in 99.5% of candidates.

However, some End-time Christian groups have voiced complaints that the vaccine displays worrying connections to apocalyptic symbols that echo events from the Book of Revelation and may lead to global Armageddon.

The worries comes after reports that while almost all candidates of the Pfizer dose developed antibodies to COVID-19, a significant number experienced mild side-effects which included painful arms, reduced cognitive independence, and the hearing of loud angelic voices.

Pfizer CEO, Mr Albert ‘the Beast’ Bourla, hosed down speculation at this morning’s press conference:

“These concerns are simply baseless rumours that rely on unscientific superstitions and unproven prophetic predictions.”

“The 666 on every vial of vaccine is simply indicating the successful research trial number.”

“We are so excited, here at Pfizer, to have made this discovery. We’re confident that vaccine ‘666’ will usher in a new world order – I mean, a renewed world following the coronavirus pandemic.”

The Christian group, calling themselves the ‘Temple Tribulationists’, pointed out however that the connections were deeply worrying.

“You know that the word ‘Pfizer‘ in ancient Hebrew actually means ‘The Evil One bent on destruction’. How much more evidence do you need!”

It is further reported that Pfizer plans to rollout free complimentary forehead tattoos with each vaccine, so patients can demonstrate their immunity to their friends, family and broader community.

The UN have also confirmed, at the time of publishing, a new strategic partnership with Pfizer which aims to see every human being vaccinated – by brutal force if necessary.

Sign up to the Damascus Dropbear for more COVID vaccine news. For a more accurate analysis around vaccines and ‘The Mark of the Beast’, check out this piece by the Dr. Matthew Halsted.

The Damascus Dropbear exists to develop satirical news which helps people laugh, then think, about theology, culture, church and politics from a biblical worldview. Our mission is to help others to engage with the Bible, explore questions around religion, and ultimately see Christian principles and ethics inform our society. If you would like to support our project click here.

Most Popular

Copy link
Powered by Social Snap