Christians concerned that COVID-19 vaccine might trigger Armageddon

NEW YORK, NY – Pharmaceutical company, Pfizer, have announced their latest COVID-19 vaccine sample has successfully prevented the virus in 99.5% of candidates, in their 666th research trial.

However, some End-time Christian groups are concerned that the vaccine displays worrying connections to apocalyptic symbols that echo events from the Book of Revelation and may lead to global Armageddon.

The worries after reports that while almost all candidates developed antibodies to COVID-19, a significant number experienced mild side-effects which included painful arms, reduced cognitive independence, and the hearing loud angelic voices.

Pfizer CEO, Mr Albert ‘the Beast’ Bourla, hosed down speculation at this morning’s press conference:

“These concerns are simply baseless rumours that rely on unscientific superstitions and unproven prophetic predictions.”

“The 666 on every vial of vaccine is simply indicating the successful research trial number.”

“We are so excited, here at Pfizer, to have made this discovery. We’re confident that vaccine ‘666’ will usher in a new world order – I mean, a renewed world following the coronavirus pandemic.”

The Christian group, calling themselves the ‘Temple Tribulationists’, pointed out however that the connections were deeply worrying.

“You know that the word ‘Pfizer‘ in ancient Hebrew actually means ‘The Evil One bent on destruction’. How much more evidence do you need!”

It is further reported that Pfizer plans to rollout free complementary forehead tattoos with each vaccine, so patients can demonstrate their immunity to their friends, family and broader community.

The UN have also confirmed, at the time of publishing, a new strategic partnership with Pfizer which aims to see every human being vaccinated – by brutal force if necessary.

Sign up to the Damascus Dropbear for more music industry news. For a more accurate analysis around vaccines and ‘The Mark of the Beast’, check out this piece by the Dr. Matthew Halsted.

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