Churches to introduce ‘Don’t ask, Don’t tell’ vaccine policy

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SYDNEY, NSW – A collection of Australian churches have indicated they will be supporting the ‘Don’t ask, Don’t tell‘ vaccination policy when churches reopen.

The official statement indicates that church attendance by non-vaccinated people will be allowed, as long as the information is kept private.

Various denominations have provided their own reasons for holding the policy:

“Everyone is talking about vaccines all the time, and not about Jesus. We are just getting our priorities in order.” Leila Mackie, Uniting Church National Director.

“We are really concerned that we don’t split our church more than it already is. We are therefore going to do what we usually do, which is to pour a lot of time and effort into making sure it is never brought up.” – Archbishop Ken Rafell Anglican Church Archbishop.

“As Christians we are used to asking for forgiveness more than permission. We want 10 percent of your money, but you can keep your digital vaccine certificate.” – Pastor Max Belty, Australian Christian Churches

“Our kids ministry outreach might have a Donut Day, but we ain’t all about Donut days – if you know what I mean?” Elder Warwick Daniels, Revival Church International 

“We are a modern church, but are we a Moderna church? We’ll never tell and you shouldn’t either. Let us know if you’re double-predestination but we don’t need to know if you’re double-vaxed.” Pastor Tim Cleary, Calvanist Church of Christ

“You might be a Jabber, but don’t Jabber on about it!’ – Reverend Anthea Sparks, Methodist Church

“At my church we don’t permit a woman to speak, not for any theologically reasons but just in case she accidentally mentions her vaccinated status.” Reverend Barry Allen, Reformed Church.

It is further reported that the policy will also discharge anyone who might inadvertently make others feel uncomfortable about their vaxxuality.

For more discussion around churches and vaccines, see this piece in Eternity News.


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