Churches install protest posters in order to obtain maximum occupancy

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BRISBANE, QLD — Several churches have taken the unusual step of claiming protest gathering status in order to subvert the limitations on COVID19 health restriction numbers set by the Queensland Government. 

The advise from the Government is that there is a maximum 20 person gathering for places of worship as of the 1st June. However, police appear to be making exceptions with last Saturday’s protest event permitted 30,000 people.

Some churches are therefore utilising the loophole and have begun hosting ‘protest worship services’ which they say allow them maximum occupancy for the church buildings (usually between 200-1000). 

Reverend Daniel Abegnego, of St Katherine’s Anglican, said that although he was still confused as to the health risk distinctions between worship and protest, he was delighted that the entire congregation could meet and worship together once again.

“Once we looked into the criteria for being recognised as a protest, we realised how simple it was. A few posters hung around the building, several parishioners occasionally yelling out slogans, and a megaphone for the preacher and the police said we were good to go” Reverend Abegnego explained. “Even the ban on singing is lifted as long as we hold our fist in the air while belting out the chorus”.

“People may not realise it, but in many ways Christianity has always been a protest movement. Jesus taught us how to resist evil, sacrifice for the good, and many of the early disciples even laid down their lives for the Gospel message. I guess what makes our protests different for some of the modern models in the US is that we are more interested in daily service-based community reconciliation, and we only burn and loot when absolutely necessary.”

Reverend Abegnego also indicated that if the restrictions changed once again, they had legal advice that if the parishioners dressed up in AFL jerseys and kicked a ball around during the sermon then over 2000 would be permitted.

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