DENVER, CO – In a world where convenience is king, one church is taking the concept of fast living to a whole new level with their innovative drive-through confessionals.
Located in a nondescript parking lot, the church’s new venture promises to offer busy parishioners the chance to absolve their sins without ever having to leave their car. Simply roll down your window, confess your transgressions, and voila – forgiveness is served.
But don’t worry if you’re not exactly sure what to confess – the church has thought of everything. With a menu of pre-written sins to choose from, you can simply select your wrongdoing of choice and be on your way in no time.
Some of the most popular items on the menu include “skipping church for a Netflix binge,” “coveting thy neighbor’s Tesla,” and “eating too many hot dogs at the church picnic.”
But for those looking for something a bit more customized, there’s also an “other” option, which allows you to confess any sin of your choosing – as long as it fits in the allotted 140-character limit.
Of course, some more traditional members of the congregation have raised concerns about the legitimacy of drive-through confessions.
“I didn’t know forgiveness came so cheap, I mean they literally gave me my salvation in a paper bag” complained one particularly vocal parishioner.
“They’ve even got a car-wash at the end so you can do ‘drive-through baptisms. For Heavens sake!”
But the church’s pastor is quick to defend the new initiative.
“We understand that people lead busy lives,” he explained. “But that doesn’t mean they should have to carry their sins on their roof racks all the time.”
“Plus we have a great deal this week on adultery forgiveness that comes with a side of extra crispy communion wafer.”
Sign up to the Damascus Dropbear for more church updates. To read more about confession, see this piece in the Gospel Coalition.