Image Credits: James Maloney
Church Hosts ‘Bring Your Own Sermon Sunday’. Mass Chaos ensues.
ADELAIDE, SA – In a bold move to encourage congregational participation, one local church in Adelaide recently held a “Bring Your Own Sermon Sunday” service.
But instead of inspiring unity and harmony, chaos erupted as various members vied for the pulpit to share their own unique brand of wisdom.
According to eyewitnesses, the service started out innocently enough, with the pastor explaining the ground rules: each member would be given five minutes to share their own personal message, as long as it was in line with the church’s core values. However, it quickly became apparent that this was easier said than done.
First up was Brother Bob, a longtime member of the congregation known for his fiery speeches on the evils of modern society. He began his sermon by railing against “the godless heathens who are destroying our nation from within”, before launching into a lengthy diatribe about the dangers of vaccination.
Sister Mary, a kindly grandmother who usually keeps to herself, was up next. She surprised everyone by delivering a rambling speech about the importance of knitting, which she insisted was a metaphor for “the fabric of our community”. Although many congregants found her message charming, others were left scratching their heads.
As the service wore on, things only got more chaotic. One member attempted to perform a rap about the Ten Commandments, while another broke out into a spontaneous dance to a hymn. Still others used their time to air petty grievances and launch personal attacks against other members of the congregation regarding recent changes to the church carpet.
Another attendee noted that the sheer variety of messages on display was overwhelming, with one speaker advocating for a return to Old Testament law while another preached the virtues of goat yoga.
By the time the pastor attempted to regain control of the microphone, it was too late. The service had devolved into a free-for-all, with various members shouting over each other and vying for attention. In the end, the pastor was forced to pull the fire alarm and send everyone home.
Many members were left feeling disillusioned and confused by the experience. As one frustrated attendee put it, “If I’d wanted to listen to a bunch of giant egos ramble on about their personal agendas, I’d just go to Question Time in Parliament.”
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