Christian lobbyist to feature on ‘The Bachelor’

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CANBERRA, ACT – The hit series ‘The Bachelor’ has announced that Christian lobbyist Martyn Iles, will feature as the next star in the reality TV show when it returns in 2021. 

Iles, the 2m tall, golden-haired Managing Director of the Australian Christian Lobby, accepted the opportunity because he is ‘searching for the lily among the brambles, the tower of Lebanon, my perfect dove’.

Iles shot to prominence last year after coming to the defence of controversial Rugby superstar, Israel Folau, raising over $2.2 million for his legal case against Rugby Australia’s unfair dismissal. Since that time his status as the most eligible Christian bachelor in Australia has been well established, and his popular video blog, ‘The Truth of it’, has reached millions around the world.

“There comes a time in a man’s life where he realises it is not good to be alone” Iles stated.

“I have conquered many mountains in the professional world, nailed personal grooming and fashion, and mastered the art of baking lemon meringue pies.”

“However, I fear my heart will be restless until it finds its rest with a Godly woman”.

Due to Iles’ religious Christian faith, the directors of ‘The Bachelor’ have announced a number of changes to accommodate his interests and beliefs:

– All dates with the contestants are to involve an elderly church couple as a chaperone

– Competitions will largely revolve around biblical knowledge, particularly the names and character of all Old Testament kings

– Contestants must be fluent in the art of anti-cultural Marxism debate

– Promise rings will be replaced by purity rings , with legally binding contracts of abstinence attached

– All group dates will be set within church services with contestants scored on their worship styles, prayer lengths and reformed theology

– The finale will involve a romantic tour of all the church buildings in Adelaide

Iles took to Twitter after the announcement to say:

“I cannot wait to share this epic romantic adventure with you all. Please pray for a Jehosheba rather than Athaliah.” #Biblebabes #Dutybeforebooty

The search for contestants has already commenced.

Sign up to the Damascus Dropbear for more entertainment news. To see more of Martyn’s work, you can view ‘The Truth of it’.

The Damascus Dropbear exists to develop satirical news which helps people laugh, then think, about theology, culture, church and politics from a biblical worldview. Our mission is to help others to engage with the Bible, explore questions around religion, and ultimately see Christian principles and ethics inform our society. If you would like to support our project click here.

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