Christian Husband Convinced “Wives, Submit to your Husbands” includes always letting him win at Monopoly

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PERTH, WA – In a stunning revelation at the weekly men’s Bible study, local Christian husband Jerry Johnson announced that he has discovered a new interpretation of the verse “Wives, submit to your husbands” in Ephesians 5:22.

According to Johnson, this verse not only refers to wives submitting to their husbands in matters of decision-making, but also in the highly competitive world of board games like Monopoly.

“I was playing Monopoly with my wife the other day, and she kept beating me,” Johnson said, his voice filled with emotion.

“I couldn’t believe it. I mean, I’m the head of the household, right? And yet my wife was treating me like any other player.”

But after some prayer and reflection, Johnson realized that his wife’s victories were actually a violation of biblical principles.

“I went back to the bible and it hit me like a ton of bricks,” he said.

“If wives are supposed to submit to their husbands in everything, then that includes board games.”

“Therefore, if she is overpowering me at Monopoly, then she’s subverting my God-given authority, isn’t she?”

Johnson’s discovery has caused a stir in the Christian community, with some hailing him as a visionary and others dismissing him as a sore loser.

“Johnson is spots-on. I’m just impressed someone has had the guts to say it,” said Johnson’s neighbour and fellow church member, Dave Daniels.

“I reckon he’s just a sore loser really. I’m not sure God would appreciate him using the Bible to cheat,” disagreed Penny Parkinson, a friend of Johnson’s wife and local flower shop owner.

But Johnson is apparently undeterred, and he’s already planning to take his interpretation of Ephesians 5:22 to the next level and consider the impact for arguments, Friday movie selections, and arm wrestling.

Only time will tell how Johnson’s new interpretation will affect his marriage and his standing in the Christian community. But for now, he’s convinced that he’s on the right track.

“I just want to be the best Christian husband I can be,” he said. “And if that means I have to always win at Monopoly, then so be it.”

Sign up to the Damascus Dropbear for more board game updates. To read more biblical submission, read this piece in the Gospel Coalition.

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