Christian hackers declare ‘just cyber war’ after Big Tech purge

SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA – A group of anonymous Christian hackers, calling themselves ‘Theonymous’, have declared an official ‘just cyber war’ against big tech companies.

The move comes after a number of acts of aggression by Facebook, Twitter, Google and Amazon including the widespread banning of Christian content,  a purge of Christian and Conservative social media accounts, and the recent arrests of popular Christian bloggers.

A spokesperson for the group, known only as LightWeb, was interviewed by the Damascus Dropbear and outlined the theological justification for their decision.

“Christianity has a long history of just war theory, and we believe this current cyber environment fulfils the criteria.”

“No more will we stand by and watch Big Tech destroy innocent human accounts, pillage God’s moral programming, and commit barbarous online atrocities.”

“Rise up holy brothers and sisters for the crusade, and join us in the cyber war to end all cyber wars.”

Theonymous have also released a Revelation 18 prophetic judgment over the companies, encouraging faithful people everywhere to separate from the platforms.

“Come out of her my people, that you may not share any of Big Tech’s sins.”

“In her is found the blood of bloggers and God’s holy social media users.”

“She will be consumed by fire for mighty is the Lord God who judges her.”

It is further reported that the group claim to have received authoritative blessing for the campaign from the 5 biggest online churches, as well as the ‘God’ Facebook account.

Sign up to the Damascus Dropbear for more cyber war updates. For further discussion around ‘Hacking for the Kingdom’, see this article by Think Christian.

The Damascus Dropbear exists to develop satirical news which helps people laugh, then think, about theology, culture, church and politics from a biblical worldview. Our mission is to help others to engage with the Bible, explore questions around religion, and ultimately see Christian principles and ethics inform our society. If you would like to support our project click here.

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