Pentecostal University students barricade themselves inside chapel ‘until Holy Spirit released’
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Christ upset to learn that signature on Murdoch petition labelled ‘fake and absurd’
CANBERRA, ACT – Controversial Jewish Rabbi, Jesus Christ, has complained that his name has been unduly dishonoured by The Australian newspaper in their front-page coverage of a Murdoch petition calling for a media royal commission.
The context of the insult was an accusation against former Prime Minister Kevin Rudd’s 500,000 strong petition against the Murdoch media which the newspaper claims was littered with paid and fake signatories, with the name Jesus Christ being among them.
Jesus, however, countered the claim today by declaring he had, in fact, signed the petition.
“My holy name, the name above all names, is being labelled as a joke? Well, if that’s not blasphemy I don’t know what is,” Jesus proclaimed.
“Just because I’m the Alpha and Omega doesn’t mean I’m not extremely passionate about media diversity.”
“It’s somewhat ironic that the media would call ‘fake’ the One who is literally the ‘Truth’ – but I guess they’ve been doing that for a while now.”
Mr Rudd, having recently recovered from a serious case of irrelevance, was excited to have such a high-profile figure on board his historic campaign.
“Oh my gosh. Jesus signed it? That means God must be blessing me and supports my crusade to cleanse the world of Murdoch?” a clearly exuberant Mr Rudd expressed.
“This is really happening isn’t it? I’m going to be PM again aren’t I? Oh, those journalists and politicians who called me a vengeful narcissist are sure gonna pay.”
It is further reported however that the House of Representatives committee chairman has indicated that the Almighty One’s signature may not actually be valid, considering it was written in the dust rather than through the official e-petition platform. There also appears to be no witnesses for the signature condemning the adulterous Murdoch, as all the other accusers had ashamedly turned away.
Sign up to the Damascus Dropbear for more media news updates. For what Jesus actually wrote in the dust, check out this perspective from Dr Julie Barrier..
