Chief Minister claims vandalised church just ‘tripped and fell down some stairs’

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CHARNWOOD, ACT – The ACT Chief Minister has claimed that a badly vandalised church in Canberra was simply an ‘unfortunate accident’.

Chief Minister Andrew Barr told the media that the St. Thomas Aquinas Church in Charnwood, found smashed up on Tuesday evening, had fallen down the stairs and banged into a door.

“The big goof of a church just tripped and messed itself up a bit really,” the Chief Minister indicated while hiding bloody knuckles.

“I was with them at the time and saw the whole thing. A tragic accident. Just tragic.”

“However, the church really only has itself to blame – maybe it should think twice before opening its mouth while descending down the stairs into my political space.”

The doctor at the Emergency Department indicated the church injuries were extensive, with an altar and crucifix broken, blindness in one stained-glass window, heavy pew bruising, and 37 shattered candles.

The church itself gave a short statement to police and media outside the hospital with the Chief Minister standing over them.

“I’m okay, it’s all my fault really,” the St. Thomas Aquinas Church said with head bowed.

“I should really be more careful about where I tread, what I say and what I believe.”

“One thing is for sure, I now definitely see no need for any kind of legal protections such as a Religious Discrimination Act.”

The Chief Minister then led the St. Thomas church into a waiting black car, indicated that the church would not be making any further comments.

He did however reassure listeners that he would personally oversee that the church ‘recovered appropriately and were put back in their rightful place.’

Sign up to the Damascus Dropbear for more domestic church news. To read the actual story of the vanadalised church, see this piece in the Canberra Times.

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