Image Credits: Neuroendoscopy Centre (edited)
Charlie Teo now offering ‘political brain surgeries’ which remove offending left/right hemispheres
SYDNEY, NSW – Controversial neurosurgeon Charlie Teo has announced that he is now performing ‘political brain surgeries’ on willing patients.
The bold new move comes after Dr Teo was prevented from performing certain operations after complaints led to an emergency hearing before regulators last week.
Dr Teo indicated however that this new surgery was not only completely safe and beyond the restrictions, but was already in very high demand.
“People are so committed to their ideological perspectives these days that they simply don’t want to have anything to do with ‘the other side’ of politics.”
“The fact is, and increasingly so, individuals only want to hear opinions from their own political perspective.”
“This incredible new surgery, for an easily affordable $200,000, allows people to remove the offending half of their brain completely.”
“If successful, once removed the individual will only be able to hear or observe ideas and people who align with the remaining left or right hemisphere.”
Understandably, there has been widespread skepticism from other neurosurgeons regarding the procedure. Nevertheless, early evidences indicate that the surgery is effective.
The Damascus Dropbear talked to some of Dr Teo’s patients who had already had the surgery.
“It’s been amazing,” said red MAGA hat wearing patient, Mack Harris, who had Teo remove the left side of his brain.
“I used to hate seeing all that commie-dribble of the ABC, but now whenever I turn on the TV to a left-perspective all I hear is white noise.”
“I’ve even stopped hearing the hippie music from my lousy neighbour.”
It was similar praise from public servant Candice Flowers-Burgundy, who had the right hemisphere completely removed.
“Dr Teo is a miracle worker.”
“I never again have to be exposed to that dangerous, Murdoch-driven extremist fake news that causes such tremendous harm.”
“I can only hope we make this surgery mandatory for as many of the population as possible.”
Some patients did report issues of balance, but Dr Teo said that this was a simple issue that could be overcome with a medical chip placed onto the opposite shoulder to compensate.
It is further reported that a number of politicians have signed up for the operation, but appear to be ineligible due to the fact both hemispheres already appear to have been removed as part of party political preselection requirements.
Story idea put forward by contributor Peter Inns. To read more about about Christians looking beyond the right or left, see this piece by the Gospel Coalition.