CANBERRA, ACT – In a shocking turn of events at a recent protest, a senator has been issued a yellow card by a referee for simulated ‘diving’ at a protest in Canberra. The dive involved former Green Senator Lidia Thorpe who gatecrashed a protest event called #LetWomenSpeak around the privacy and safety of women and girls ...

  ADELAIDE, SA – In a bold move to encourage congregational participation, one local church in Adelaide recently held a “Bring Your Own Sermon Sunday” service. But instead of inspiring unity and harmony, chaos erupted as various members vied for the pulpit to share their own unique brand of wisdom. According to eyewitnesses, the service started out innocently ...

  MELBOURNE, VIC – Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews has denied claims he dressed up a woman to look like a Nazi in order to burn her. The situation arose after weekend protests where male Neo-Nazi protestors march through a women’s rights event, with some people obviously getting confused between the two. The Premier graciously explained to Damascus Dropbear ...

  MELBOURNE, VIC – In a shocking move, the University of Melbourne has started offering courses in “genderless maths,” where numbers are replaced by emojis in an effort to make mathematics more inclusive. According to proponents of this new approach, traditional numbers are too binary and exclusionary, with numbers being used to oppress minorities over hundreds of ...

  CAPE TOWN, SA – In a groundbreaking new study, researchers have found that baptisms performed in swimming pools are 50% more effective at saving souls than traditional baptisms. According to the study’s lead author, Dr. Sebastian Seaworthy, “We found that when people are baptized in a pool, they’re more likely to feel refreshed and rejuvenated, which ...