Batman calls for Superman boycott after refusal to wear mask

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MELBOURNE, VIC – Tensions have flared as the COVID-19 pandemic continues to spread across the State, with Batman calling for the the boycott of fellow superhero – Superman – for not abiding by community standards. The clash comes after the move by Premier Daniel Andrews to offset police shortages by enlisting struggling superheroes.

The Justice League’s heavy hitters have been assisting police with the enforcement of containment, curfews and social distancing. Superman’s X-ray vision and ability to conduct high-speed surveillance allowed him to easily check quarantine compliance, and Batman’s city-wide tracking capabilities and technology have been ensuring only those with approved employment go outside the 5km radius.

However, bystanders observed a heated argument between the two, where Batman was seen to be publicly shaming Superman for not doing his civic duty by leading by example and wearing a mask himself.

“Just because you uphold the law, it doesn’t mean you are above it” the caped crusader (now identifying as the masked marauder) was overheard rasping.

“It is super disappointing to see you – as a role model to millions – risking truth, justice and the Melburnian way through your irresponsible actions.

At this a fight broke out between the two, decimating the famous Flinders Street Station. It was over quickly however, with Superman coming out unscathed.

“I really don’t know why he made such a big deal of it” the Man of Steel told reporters afterwards. “I tried to explain to him that due to my Kryptonian physiology it was impossible for me to get sick or pass on any virus and therefore the mask was entirely unnecessary. Once he had that look in his eye though there was… no placating him.”

It is further reported that Batman followed up the event by encouraging ‘all rule-abiding Victorians’ to cease supporting the Superman franchise, with DC officially postponing the upcoming Superman movie until a public grovelling is delivered and ‘the hero is willing to repent of all actions or comments that have offended and may offend in the future.”

Full-face Batman protection masks are on sale now.

Special thanks to supporter Daniel Brewster for submitting this story concept.

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