Australian sporting codes confirm you can now come out as gay, but not Christian

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NORWOOD, SA – Key Australian Sporting bodies have confirmed that it is now okay to be a gay sports star, but have reaffirmed that Christians need to ‘keep it in the cloister’.

The announcement follows a press release from A-League Men’s player Josh Cavallo, in which the 21 year old Adelaide United player came out as same-sex attracted.

Damascus Dropbear was fortunate enough to land an interview with Football Federation Australia CEO, James Johnson, earlier this week.

“The greater football community in Australia is proud of Josh’s decision to come out and express his sexual desire of other men. It is courageous and brave.”

“We recognise that it may be slightly more awkward in the showers for some Cavallo’s teammates, but we have reminded them firmly not to have any such bigoted concerns.”

“I admit that I don’t know much about being gay, but I’ve heard from the media that they like sequins and have super powers.”

“I am therefore looking forward to seeing Josh unleash these abilities, especially because he has actually been playing pretty poorly lately and now there is no way I can drop him to the bench.”

In a bombshell rumour, the A-League’s embracement and inclusion policies has drawn the attention of controversial Rugby League superstar Israel Folau.

Folau has indicated that he might even consider transferring codes yet again, this time to soccer, if it meant his Christian lifestyle would finally be tolerated.

However, Johnson expressed doubt as to whether people like Folau would be welcome in the A-League.

“Look, I know we value diversity and inclusion here, but obviously that doesn’t count if you are a Bible-biter,” Johnson responded

“You might be able to play if you keep your personal lifestyle and beliefs private – I’m talking so deep in the closet that you get to Narnia.”

“It’s just not naturalism to live like that, loving Jesus as your Saviour and actually following his teaching, and personally it makes me feel gross even thinking about Christians playing football.”

It is further reported that all A-league players will now strip down to their underwear before every kick-off in a symbolic act of support against homophobia.

Sign up to the Damascus Dropbear for more sporting news. To see the updates on the Religious Discrimination Bill and the ‘Folau clause’, see this piece in Eternity News.



The Damascus Dropbear exists to develop satirical news which helps people laugh, then think, about theology, culture, church and politics from a biblical worldview. Our mission is to help others to engage with the Bible, explore questions around religion, and ultimately see Christian principles and ethics inform our society. If you would like to support our project click here.

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